Life and its lessons (29)
Life and its lessons (29)
Burdens and baggage’s:
We carry baggages and burdens of others that were meant to support for short or medium term. Putting it into a scenario; you have a friend who asked to carry their bag filled with books and items so they can tie their shoes which you willing do. After tying their shoes your friend and you continue to walk towards your destination, the friend did not ask for their bag back and you didn’t offer to give it back. You continue to move through the distance as you carry 2 bags (yours and the friends). Your friend had both of their hands free and chooses to explore, talk to others and play. At the end of the destination your friend has increased in experience and opportunities and has his bag while you are tired with a back pain and little opportunities. In other cases, even if the friend asked for their bag back, you being the sacrificing, people pleasing person you still offer to carry their bag along with yours and other the person you were doing the favor takes it for granted and continues to demand as if it was their right and not a favor upon them.
-- My lesson, we continue to build on burdens and carry responsibilities of others which at most times at the expense of oneself depleting us physically and mentally. Evaluate, look at what you need to drop, downsize, and give back to where it belongs. Slowly learn that our value is not in being a doormat for everyone and anyone to drop their burdens and clean their shoes with. For a health self and relationship – everything where it belongs.
Artificial caring:
In a world filled with artificial caring, we need to recognize and save ourselves from being its victim or preparator. Fill in your own scenario below to the specific request you shared with either your family, spouse, friend, business partner or boss.
Scenario: Several times in different ways Aman shared that he really wanted a specific slice of chocolate cake with nuts and caramel. His best friend Umar with whom Aman shared this information and to which Umar admitted understanding what the request was got an opportunity where he was given a full cake with the exact specification that his friend loved. He happily shared the news which excited Aman as he will receive a slice for the big cake. Umar asked all his other friends and colleagues to make a line so that he can distribute the slices of cake. Aman slightly disappointed waited in the line filled with many people who don’t like cake in the first place. Umar was happily giving smiles and slices of cake one after another, during a short break Umar came down the line to Aman saying you are my priority, I will definitely get to you with your slice once he finishes with the rest making Aman hopeful. When it was Aman’s turn, Umar saw that at the back of the line where his distant friends and some work colleagues, he asked Aman to go back in the line bringing the others at the front of the line making Aman hurt and he silently moved.
-- My lesson in this world we are in situations where we are patiently waiting in line or others are waiting from us for – time, support, promotions, for promises made, for rights, for recognition, for love. While waiting we might get and give the slice of cake in due time or in other cases continue to wait in never ending queues and lines. Let’s turn away from artificial caring and do the caring moving away from lip service and put in the effort and prioritize. And where you find you’re the one waiting in line learn to make your own cake. It’s hard to start from the scratch requiring a recipe, ingredients, appliances, processes, energy, time but once you learn to make it you have mastered the art yourself. You are not required to wait for that slice from someone else as now you are in abundance - a full cake, with an ability to share it with others.
Note to self:
Don’t share everything, don’t expect everything or regret anything, appreciate everything, embrace imperfection and be at peace with unpredictability.
Inspiration:
This posts inspiration comes from a segment of podcast with Dr. Gabor Maté - it felt deep and made me want to live my life differently. ————— “Autoimmune diseases which are diseases where the immune system attacks the body that it’s supposed to protect – 80% of them happen to women – Why? – Four significant characteristics – One is they tended to put other people’s emotional needs ahead of their own, Number two, they tended to identify with duty, role and responsibility, rather than the needs of the self, number three they tended to be very nice, which means they repressed healthy anger, and number four these people tended to believe that they are responsible for how other people feel – why is it women? Who in this culture is programmed to always looking after everybody’s emotion needs, taking everybody’s stresses? identify with the duties and their role, not be angry in a healthy way, and to take responsibility for other people’s feelings. Its women. It’s not a gender issues, its s cultural issue.” —————
Until next time Insha’Allah – Cya
#my_one_step_at_a_time
Zuhur Yasin 😄